I just watched 50/50 (which is an amazing film, by the way), and I can’t help but admire the friendship between Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen’s characters. Even if Seth uses his friend’s illness to score chicks, in the end, he proves how loyal of a friend he is as he supports JGL in his plight against cancer.
Now, I don’t want to go morbid on you guys but imagine that you died just now. How many people, aside from your family or better half, would go out of their way to go to your funeral? And when I say “go out of their way”, I mean they literally drop everything after hearing the news of your demise and go straight to where you lie.
That scenario’s actually been rattling in my head for months now, and when I count those friends that I have that will go to my (super-amazing, Star Wars-themed) funeral, I only count a measly FOUR.
No disrespect to all my friends. They’re awesome people. I think I’m even surprised on how some of them chose to associate themselves to me. Also, I think I’m an okay friend whenever I’m around. It’s just that I don’t think I have connected with them enough for them to be that emotionally invested to me. I think it’s just one of those it’s-not-you-it’s-me things.
See, since high school, I’ve studied in Manila. Which is normal for some unless they’re like me who lives Laguna. Yes, the same Laguna which is a good two hours commute from where I study. That instantaneously dissolved all grade school friendships I had since hanging out with them means hanging out in the wee hours of the evening.
That same distance took a toll on my highschool friendships. I was never the guy to ask to hang out with in malls or in bars for a very long time. Not that my parents are strict about it. It’s just that I don’t want to make it a habit to go home at a time where the ratio between hold-uppers and “real” passengers is 1:5.
I don’t want to blame distance solely for me being a sucky friend. I also lack the drive to reach out to people. I don’t know why, but I just don’t get to keep in touch with even my closest friends back in highschool or in college. Even as recently as my previous work, it seems like I tend to destroy the bridge behind me as soon as I see a new one. I guess I’m just a shitty human being.
I know I may seem like a douchebag for being that way but I really am not doing this consciously. It’s like a defect of some kind. That’s why I’m glad for all the friends that still keep in touch with me through all these years, even if I’m not the easiest person to get a hold of. I’m also glad for being able to reconnect with some people from the past that I almost forgot was (and still are) amazing, through the magic of the Internet (with a capital I!).
Hopefully, the gall of other people rub off me and I get the balls to reconnect with all the ties I severed (or severing). I also hope that those old friends haven’t given up on me and at least try not to be weirded out when I reach out to them.
So, going back to the question earlier, how many friends would go out of their way to go to your funeral?